So much to say, so little i can actually talk about

Okay, I know, Secrets = Bad. I am so very glad i am not keeping anything from Scott, he knows more about me then even i know i think, there is so much i want to stop hiding from people. A lot of people already know about a lot of it but there are some Key people who don't, people i wish did know so i didn't have to hide anymore, i hate hiding who i am more then anything.

Sometimes secrets protect those you love ... so i hear this and i guess they were right. Some things i don't say because it will be easier for Scott and some things i don't say because it would be easier for me, i think soon i am going to stop hiding and just do and say as i please, when i please, where i please, how i please, and if someone says something well i will deal with it then. i know this sounds selfish and harsh but i know for a fact that no one should have to hide who they really are for any reason and i think people should simply be who they are.

It seems like any time something in my life changes there is something new i have to hide. And yes i know this is going to raise a lot of questions with friends and family, but i guess i needed to write something i feel like i need to talk.

Now of course there is the counselling, i am still not sure what DBT counselling is but i have to go back to my Psychiatrist in a month or so to see if there is really something wrong with me or am i messing with my own mind being worried about problems i worked out years ago.

My mom made her way back into my life and that isn't helping me at all ... i want to go to my grandmothers and yet at the same time i am scared to. my family is so rough around the edges, i love them all but that doesn't change that some part of me wishes they just weren't there sometimes. it's almost as if i moved on and my life got better yet everyone else stayed the same .. no one has changed at all.

My god life Sux

~Kalira~

So much to do- So little time

I am not really worried to much about the future anymore, i mean what is there really to be worried about?

"the future will come when it comes,
Death will take you when it takes you.
Worry not about the future
Worry only for today"
-Anonymous

I think living by this has done me some good, i am getting better at keeping my home and keeping up with need to do Stuff, as well as making dinner each night and Getting Vanyel to bed on time. Being a homemaker isn't as easy as people make it look, Especially with Children, i mean on top of trying to find 5 minutes to spend with the husband figure in your life there are Dishes, Laundry, Diapers, Baths, Reading, washing floors, cleaning little messes, walls, Vacuuming, grocery shopping, and 3 Square meals a day for your loved ones. Don't even get me started on Entertaining, there is 10 times the amount of things that have to get done when your entertaining a guest or family.

I am looking forward to a small break but i am finally getting into the swing of things, Especially when i have a little help in the way of a roomie who loved to sit for me since he loves my son so much, he thinks Vanyel is the greatest. Vanyel is getting to an age where he likes to help so picking up and throwing things out is Much easier then it used to be, now he helps me toss things out instead of bringing me the garbage piece by piece as i am trying to throw it out, he loves to help carry in groceries and go for walks which yes i guess it adds more to what needs to be done, but this can be added to the list of fun things int he day.

We do so much around here now i never have any time for myself, i spend as much time as i can with friends and seeing a professional really helped that, he said i need to try and get close with my friends and any relationships i have because they will help ease the stress i have to deal with and help make me happy. i am supposed to do all kinds of things i can't really find time for but i will try to find time for my friends at least. no more outings for me since money is scarce again but i am trying to make it work out, i am looking at getting to work again when my doctors letter expires (if i don't need a new one) and maybe see if i can't make some money to help out. or at least to have to go out with so i don't have to ask the husband for it.

Things are great, although money IS a little tight i am not really worried any more as long i keep renting my spare room out. i don't have an office but most people keep their computers in their living room anyway.


OK well i guess i am done talking there isn't much more for me to say this week i am doing great and life is good ... Have a good one!!

Goodness? We'll see

We'll Hubby is off at Shaw not for an interview, this is a job he is really hoping to get, Shaw is one of the highest paying companies in Edmonton. So here i am hoping against all hope that he gets this job, if any deserves it he does. he works so hard and never sees much of his hard work appreciated.


So Scott my love,

Here's to you .....
for all you are and all your trying to be,
you care for your wife and child,
Your selfless giving and true honesty
your trust and self respect,

I could never live with out you and i wish you all the luck


Kiss kiss

Chantelle

Shaun

This is my Friend Shaun, hehe so proud he is .. of what i can't remember i think he was just posing lol ...


WOOHOO Shaun!!!!!




we were just messin around at one of my birthday parties

clipped from ca.pg.photos.yahoo.com

After kids

After you have kids money gets tight but then again so does the marriage, I have come to a weird road block.
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You see? me and Scott have been together in one form or another over 11 years, i heard once that a romance and a marriage can just pewter out and come to a slow end that's mutual for both people, and i never believed it until now. NOT that Scott and i are Breaking up, actually just the opposite, we have been spending more time talking about what we can do to find more things in common and more things to talk about ... are trying to maybe find away to make things Good again.
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I love Scott so much and i Don't ever want things to go "south" between us right now, or ever for that matter. He says he doesn't want it to end either and i believe him, after all i put him through he is still here and he is still with me.
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I will seek counselling for us before i give up on this. I have this friend who Keeps telling me to never give up on Scott and not to ever let him go, and i don't ever plan to. Scott has been there, beside me, through so much and i can't see my life without him, ever!
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Another day, another story
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~K~

Another year older

I am yet another year older and i seem less wise then before. we have been busy with 2 extra kids in the house (my neice and nephew) and somehow i just feel overwhelmed with everything thats happening. my sister needs some help with her problems and i need some with my problems and my mom is a walking problem and i have more kids then i can handle right now...


I have been contemplating going away for a little while and right when all this started i got an invite to go to a concert in Berlin, thats going to be so cool and i need the Vacation.


I have been struggling with alot of internal issues and i am so VERY glad that they are not emotional ones.



Have a good one all ...
and oh ya, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!

The Taurus

This is me .. and yes it's true

clipped from www.astrology-online.com The Bull April 21 to May 21 Traditional Taurus Traits Patient and reliable Warmhearted and loving Persistent and determined Placid and security loving On the dark side.... Jealous and possessive Resentful and inflexible Self-indulgent and greedy

The Leo

This is the birthday for my Husband ... and it's oh so true

clipped from www.astrology-online.com The Lion July 23 to August 22 Traditional Leo Traits Generous and warmhearted Creative and enthusiastic Broad-minded and expansive Faithful and loving On the dark side.... Pompous and patronizing Bossy and interfering Dogmatic and intolerant